Hiding

Windows open inside a Victorian-era hotel in Fraser. I am with an ex-boyfriend from high school and some other people from my past, mostly boys who've been victims of the system. The hotel is a suite and feels like a house. People come in and out for a cocktail party I'm throwing. Miss Universe from the 90's is there with her baby. She's beautiful, but she's missing an arm and walks with a limp. Her baby looks exactly like her. The suite clears out, but I sense someone is still inside with me. I walk around picking things up, afraid that my ex-boyfriend may try to grab me from behind. He's older now, instead of punk rock t-shirts and a shaved head, he wears glasses and a cardigan. He's creepy. I have to go to work. I'm a news anchor alongside my boss. She does her segment and walks towards me through a dusty room filled with furniture covered in white sheets. She's visibly tired. Her usual red lips are bare. I'm afraid for her to sleep here. If she hides under the sheets they won't find her. The predators are everywhere. I feel them. We can't fall asleep without first hiding our bodies. I think of my ex-boyfriend's poorly constructed sentences from the prison letters he's sent me. I feel sorry for him, that he can't communicate the way he needs to. I want him to find me here in this pile of sheets and at the same time, I'm terrified he will find me here. The alarm goes off. Get up my boss says, it's your turn to be on the show.  

Small mom

My mom is small and feeble, sickly almost. She vomits and I pick her up and hold her like a baby. There are friends and strangers around the house, which is on a series of hills and greenery. Festivities are happening and a guy I barely know is trying to talk to me. I put my mom in bed. The guy follows me into another room and tries to kiss me. 

It's a Hard Knock Life

Michael, Beckett and I are in Brooklyn, specifically in Red Hook, under the Brooklyn Queens Expressway. We are walking to Carol Gardens. Things have changed. The neighborhood doesn't feel as rough. We're looking for an apartment to live in and end up seeing one that we like. It's giant and has multiple windows, a porch and a big kitchen. But the current tenants smoke. They are younger college boys who are throwing a party at the place while people are there to hunt for an apartment. Everyone searching for an apartment has kids. Later my sister, Beckett and I find an atrium with parrots. We song it's a hard knock life and the parrots mimic us. Beckett loves this and we are all laughing. I sing like a Mexican crooner, surprised how close and clear my voice sounds in this way.  I think to myself that I haven't been funny in a while, or playful, and how good it feels to do this. My sister and I laugh.