Hiding

Windows open inside a Victorian-era hotel in Fraser. I am with an ex-boyfriend from high school and some other people from my past, mostly boys who've been victims of the system. The hotel is a suite and feels like a house. People come in and out for a cocktail party I'm throwing. Miss Universe from the 90's is there with her baby. She's beautiful, but she's missing an arm and walks with a limp. Her baby looks exactly like her. The suite clears out, but I sense someone is still inside with me. I walk around picking things up, afraid that my ex-boyfriend may try to grab me from behind. He's older now, instead of punk rock t-shirts and a shaved head, he wears glasses and a cardigan. He's creepy. I have to go to work. I'm a news anchor alongside my boss. She does her segment and walks towards me through a dusty room filled with furniture covered in white sheets. She's visibly tired. Her usual red lips are bare. I'm afraid for her to sleep here. If she hides under the sheets they won't find her. The predators are everywhere. I feel them. We can't fall asleep without first hiding our bodies. I think of my ex-boyfriend's poorly constructed sentences from the prison letters he's sent me. I feel sorry for him, that he can't communicate the way he needs to. I want him to find me here in this pile of sheets and at the same time, I'm terrified he will find me here. The alarm goes off. Get up my boss says, it's your turn to be on the show.  

Crawdaddies in the toilet

I'm at my childhood friend's house and there are 4 families staying there. I open the toilet seat and notice bugs and large crawdaddies spilling over the edge with dirty toilet water.  

A friend tells me he sings my songs all the time. Like a movie I see him doing this in pieces. In front of a campfire, in Times Square, at the beach. But they're not my songs. 

I'm in Fraser in my pink bedroom from when I was ten. The second boyfriend of Hanna's from girls is with me. We are in our 20's and looking at my baby pictures in old albums. I start to kiss him and he gets an erection. He asks me to finger his ass. I do this. I'm getting aroused. I notice his asshole is large and wonder what he puts inside it. My father walks into the room. We stop immediately. He pretends he didn't see anything at all and I'm glad he doesn't mention it. 

Bubba

My father's house in Fraser. The second house I grew up in. I walk down the hall towards my bedroom. It's cold and dark as it always was. The oat colored carpet feels rough on my feet. I pass the closets that hold extra blankets and toys. My sister's dusty blue bedroom on the right is empty. The house is empty. My room is no longer pink. My little brother lives there now, but he's no where to be found. It's dark. Just a silhouette of trees outside the window. I look around the room and see the outline of an animal. It's my brother's dog bubba. I say come here. We cuddle in bed and fall asleep.