I'm on a college campus hanging out with students much younger than me. Everyone around me is drunk and I don't particularly like any of them. A guy with scruffy red hair and baggy clothes begins to flirt with me. I feel like I could be his mother, but I'm feeling flattered and in need of attention so I allow him to whisper lascivious things into my ear. I notice a wave of naseau in my stomach. The guy brings me to a dirty movie theatre decorated with red rocks and velvet. The party continues there. No one is watching the film. 

We leave, the guy now very drunk, and his equally drunk friends trailing behind. We take a train to another, more rural town. The party continues there. The guy and his male friends palaver endlessly about nothing of substance. Somehow the guy and I have sex. I sort of enjoy it, but I'm noticeably angry and rough with him. I don't want to be around him anymore, so I take a bus filled with people and dirt and sweat, back to where the party started.  

There I meet an older man, some kind of carnival worker. He's running from the police and asks me to help him design a book for children so we can all be saved. I design two pages. The police arrive. I rip up the pages I've created and try to find somewhere to hide them.  

Cuddling with an Old Friend in Long Johns

I'm at my mom's house in New Jersey. The house is a combination of the fabric store she used to own in Colorado and her current house in Florida. I am visiting her for the weekend from somewhere else, maybe New York, maybe Portland. I am younger, in my 20's. An old friend arrives. I'm excited and relieved to see him. He always makes things more interesting with his charm and ideas. I haven't seen him in a while. He often disappears for months and then pops up again. We are in the back of my mom's house/store. He is wearing a pair of creamy white long underwear. He asks me to put on a pair and cuddle with him for a bit under the covers. I do as he says. His embrace is warm. I feel a tremendous love for him. We kiss for a second and continue to cuddle. My mom knocks on the door. We get up and begin to clean the room. It's filled with large comforters and blankets. A baby appears. The baby is wearing dirty clothes and a hat that's much too large for its head. The baby speaks to me like an adult man. My friend says he's been working with homeless babies for years now. I feel proud of him and admire him from afar as he and the baby walk away. 

Cats on Stairs

My cats take clothing out of my laundry basket and place them in piles on the stairs. I worry that they are planning to shit on my clothes and pick everything up. This series of actions in repeated multiple times. 

Lost in NY & The Sloppy Kisser

I'm in NY with Michael and Beckett. We are there visiting friends and family and have to travel far to get to them on Dutch bikes. Beckett is just a baby, maybe 6 months old. Michael goes somewhere and Beckett and I take a bike to a friends house in Queens. When I get there he persuades me to make out with him. I do it for some reason, not enjoying it at all. I feel sick to my stomach. He's a sloppy kisser and fondles me desperately. Beckett is in the corner playing with a box. I worry that she'll remember this. We all decided to meet for dinner in Williamsburg on Broadway under the Subway. I pass mansions and ladies in hats having tea on English lawns. I don't recognize the sprawl of NY and feel lost and hopeless about getting anywhere.