Sloppy Kisses

I'm with friends from Portland who now live in New York. We're hanging out in a park at night and it feels a little wild, a little foreign like Thai outdoor food pods in Chaing Mai. I'm wearing a long wife beater and glow sticks around my neck. I feel like a whore. My friend looks at me with heated eyes. I think about walking down the street to my grandmother's house in Denver. My friend pulls me in for a kiss. It's sloppy and desperate. He tells me he loves me. I tell him I feel bad about his wife, who is also my friend, kissing him. But I would kiss and love her just the same, I say. His eyes get big. I walk away. 

Cuddling with an Old Friend in Long Johns

I'm at my mom's house in New Jersey. The house is a combination of the fabric store she used to own in Colorado and her current house in Florida. I am visiting her for the weekend from somewhere else, maybe New York, maybe Portland. I am younger, in my 20's. An old friend arrives. I'm excited and relieved to see him. He always makes things more interesting with his charm and ideas. I haven't seen him in a while. He often disappears for months and then pops up again. We are in the back of my mom's house/store. He is wearing a pair of creamy white long underwear. He asks me to put on a pair and cuddle with him for a bit under the covers. I do as he says. His embrace is warm. I feel a tremendous love for him. We kiss for a second and continue to cuddle. My mom knocks on the door. We get up and begin to clean the room. It's filled with large comforters and blankets. A baby appears. The baby is wearing dirty clothes and a hat that's much too large for its head. The baby speaks to me like an adult man. My friend says he's been working with homeless babies for years now. I feel proud of him and admire him from afar as he and the baby walk away. 

Lost in NY & The Sloppy Kisser

I'm in NY with Michael and Beckett. We are there visiting friends and family and have to travel far to get to them on Dutch bikes. Beckett is just a baby, maybe 6 months old. Michael goes somewhere and Beckett and I take a bike to a friends house in Queens. When I get there he persuades me to make out with him. I do it for some reason, not enjoying it at all. I feel sick to my stomach. He's a sloppy kisser and fondles me desperately. Beckett is in the corner playing with a box. I worry that she'll remember this. We all decided to meet for dinner in Williamsburg on Broadway under the Subway. I pass mansions and ladies in hats having tea on English lawns. I don't recognize the sprawl of NY and feel lost and hopeless about getting anywhere.