Now that I have a tiny mammal of my own to take care of, time for other things has dwindled. I'm still able to do the things I normally do, but it's shoved between feedings, washing diapers, and walking the baby around to soothe her farty bumchop. This makes it hard to get into a flow for any project, but the challenge works well with my usual intertwinglings of art and life. Instead of moving on my own, I dance with the little miss strapped to my chest in a baby carrier. While she suckles my breast, I tap sentences into my computer. Rather than playing the guitar and stomping my left foot to the beat, I sing songs to her while gently drumming on her back. There have been sacrifices: I no longer spend hours digging into the depths of the internet for random conversations about cheese, rocks, or other nouns, I only give myself a few minutes a day on facebook, I watch less internet TV, I drink one small glass of wine instead of three, I cook less elaborate meals, and I don't socialize with strangers nearly as much as I once did. Perhaps these are transitory sacrifices and once Miss Beckett is old enough to have a sitter, I'll get back to some of my old habits.
xmas
It's Christmas and the fifth day of Hanukkah. Though I generally don't support such holidays based on some of the rather ridiculous obligatory consumer behavior they inspire, I'm digging a little bit of the jingle jangle this year. We have a tiny tree set up and decked out in found goods, I baked some gluten free brownies, I have some friends coming over for Mexican potluck, and I'm listening to a kitschy little song called Donde Esta Santa Clause. It's a mellow and delicious kind of day indeed. Thanks to the birth of sweet baby Jesus, the streets are quiet and for once there aren't throngs of humans parading around malls, wallets agape. Listen closely and you can hear the earth taking its annual (much needed) deep breath.
nowness
Some of what's new: Beckett's emerging smile and coos
A truncated Christmas tree with an aluminum foil star
A deadline for an upcoming performance project - (a power point presentation about the mundane)
One lullaby about fingers, toes, cheeks, and a nose
December sunshine in Portland
A poorly made (still with love) knit stocking
Dreams of Uncle Ho
A booked trip in January to an eccentric community on Maui
Less blood oozing from my innards
A desire to bake buttery cookies
A modified high five
The ability to squeeze into old pants
Intense back ache
The return of a grey hair
One lost spider dangling the edge of the door