There are laptops everywhere throughout the various hotel rooms I'm flitting around in. I'm on a work trip and in between designing web layouts I work on my book. This feels like waking life. Then someone robs my hotel room and I'm devastated because I didn't back up my writing to the cloud. I try to track its whereabouts on my phone. The tracker tells me it has been thrown into the Indian Ocean. I'm convinced someone close to me has done this.
Snow crunches under my feet as I walk hand-in-hand with an older doctor through a historic neighborhood. My shoes are the shoes my boss wears. High DVF's with swirls cradling my toes. I'm not wearing any makeup and wonder if the doctor plans on seducing me. I imagine him examining me in parts, then fucking me, in parts. Maybe it's the 40's. We are in a waiting room. The receptionist claims she is ready to come out of the closet by whispering in my ear. Then she turns to a Japanese man with headphones who I quickly have a screaming duet with. The floors are marble and no one dances.
I'm about to sit down to eat with two twins who aren't identical but made themselves to look identical by shifting the slope of their noses from hooked to upward. Their noses appear fake and don't fit their faces. Maybe we are in an airport. I seem to want scrambled eggs.
My friend and I are traveling together to another state, maybe rural New Jersey, maybe far off Long Island. We are on the bus. He takes out a year book of pictures of people we know and points out this woman I know. He tells me she is very cute, smiles and puts the book away. I agree she is cute and say so. Yes, she is cute. We step off the bus and meet the girl who is cute. She's part of a large gypsy family. My friend and I both prepare books and letters for the girl who will soon be going on a trip. My friend's gifts and letters are more thoughtful than mine. I'm certain he's in love with her and feel jealous, but try not to show it. I sprint out of the door for a run around the neighborhood. I run through the living rooms of neighbors. Through rush hour traffic and a November loss of sunlight. It begins to rain. I'm back at the house with my friend and the the girl. We put her on a bus and wave goodbye. It's hard for my friend to say goodbye to her. We walk up the street and see the girl hiding behind a bush. She's having a meltdown and can't go anywhere. Her eyes shake. We bring her to her brother's house and watch as her siblings conduct music in the dark. She's alone and beautiful. She's not who I want to be.