suggestions

How to make the mundane more sparkly: SUGGESTED IDEAS FOR DOING THE DISHES

Ask a friend to swap kitchen cleanup duty for a week. You clean their kitchen, they clean yours. 

Wear a snorkel and mask while washing the dishes in the bathtub.

Hire a Chinese language tutor to give you verbal instructions on how to wash the dishes - in Chinese.

Do the dishes in the dark.

Get dressed up in your best dress/suit to do the dishes.

Do the dishes with only one hand.

SUGGESTED IDEAS FOR COMMUTING

If you are on a bike, tie two golfish in plastic bags to the handle bars. Give the fish to two of your favorite co-workers.

Shout “I think I can. I think I can” at the top of your lungs throughout your entire commute.

If possible, make up a different route each time you head to work. Then make a map of all the new routes you’ve gone.

On the bus or subway, offer up your shoulder for a stranger next to you to take a much deserved nap. 

In your car, or if your wearing headphones on the bus or subway, listen to entire albums of your music collection in alphabetical order. 

In traffic on hot days, roll down the window and attempt to have conversations about the weather with passengers from other cars.

SUGGESTED IDEAS FOR FLYING ON A PLANE

Pack a giant picnic for the plane ride and share it with your neighbors.

If you are in a window seat, using the hot steam from your breath, and one finger, draw and erase a smily face every five minutes of the flight.

Bring a bag of small instruments with you an invite passengers to partake in a quiet “jam session”.

Fold each page of the on-flight complimentary magazine into exotic plants and animals. 

Ask your neighbor to describe their most vivid childhood memory. Get their postal address and a month or two later, send them something relating to what it was they described.

Hum in harmony with the plane’s engine for the duration of the flight. 

SUGGESTED IDEAS FOR WAITING IN LINE

“Accidentally” drop things and see if anyone will help pick them up.

Wait in line all day by always letting someone go before you. 

Call your grandmother or someone close to you every time you have to wait in line.

Read a book outloud.

Carry a notebook with you, and when you find yourself waiting in line, draw a 

diagram of your position within the line.

Ask everyone in the line to give you a high five. 

SUGGESTED IDEAS FOR DATA FETCHING (voicemail, email, status updates)

Play a game of telephone with your voicemail. Be the last person in the thread to get the message.

Save all voicemails for five years from now. Listen to them on a Sunday morning over eggs, toast, and fruit. 

Make a list of all the people/animals/plants you’d like to hear from. Each time you receive an unwanted email/wall post/phone call, contact one of the people/

animals/plants from your list. 

Have your parents update your facebook status as though your were just born. Have them include pictures of you as a baby. 

Translate all unwanted emails into another language, then make them into a leather bound book. Leave it in the waiting room of the dentist’s office. 

SUGGESTED IDEAS FOR READING THE SAME BOOK TO A CHILD EVERY NIGHT

Dress up as the protagonist dressed up as another protagonist of the book you’d rather be reading. 

Invite friends, family, or strangers over to read the book aloud - in unison. 

Translate the book into several languages throughout the years. 

Redraw the book from memory.

Try to find all of the pictures from the book in real life (for example a bunny, a socks, clocks, green walls, a bowl of mush, etc.). Transition from the book to real life the day your child leaves home. 

dream

A dream: I'm living in a skyscraper in a dark city. The moon, sun, jupiter, mars, and venus are crashing into the earth. I close the blinds. 

interview

An interview with my wife, FF: It's a partially cloudy evening here in Portland. FF sits on her brown mid-century inspired sectional holding a 6-and-a-half month-old bouncing baby in her lap. Every so often she looks out the window, where through a blanket of thick bamboo, rests  a partially demolished house. Her hair is freshly cut at the shoulder to keep the baby from pulling it out in handfuls. She wears a black tuxedo jacket, a pair of skinny jeans and naked feet.  

FF- It's been a while since I last interviewed you. You've obviously been busy with things...

FF- Yes. Things. Many, many things. Too many to keep track of. I'm decompressing from the Process Mundane workshop I performed at the Open Engagement Conference and thinking about how I can offer the piece to a larger audience. I think maybe I'll post an ad at the back of the newspaper or one of those spiritual guidance publications you get at vegan pet stores. Who knows. It's just a thought. I've been snapping random pictures and writing sentences or paragraphs each day and occasionally find some of them interesting. Oh, and I'm getting ready to do another SRS release that will involve scissors, my sewing machine, and 5 Peruvian school children. At home, I've been cooking new recipes, but half the time, they aren't as exciting as the pictures made them out to be. I'm plotting out how to reorganize rooms within the house to free up some brain space, and am seriously considering teaching the cats how to do my laundry. Child rearing is going well. Miss Beckett is sitting up and playing all by herself for an hour at a time. She's clapping and happens to love squeezing my face. She especially appreciates when I dance and make music for her on the ol' guitar. She's graduated to another array of pasty fruits and vegetables and still feeds primarily from my left - and consequently much larger - boob. At night before settling into a sloppy sleep routine, I either watch a film or internet TV, or read one of my many unfinished books or magazines. I do yoga most mornings, run with a stroller, bike to and from work, and try to get out into the woods for a picnic and a hike each weekend. Everyone needs a good tree washing. For "work work" I'm producing a "pro" golf inspired photo shoot, designing a new creative space for the art department, and developing a line of prints for spring 2013. A few of my dear friends are pregnant, many of my friends are having birthdays, and my niece is graduating from high school. I'm trying my best to send along care packages, but the post office isn't in my favor.  

FF- Sounds smothering.

FF- Yes, it can be. But I'm pretty good at keeping the juggling plates from crashing to the ground. 

FF- Do you know any professional jugglers? 

FF- I know a juggling expert. Her name is Julie. She's been living in India for the last 6 years. At one point a long time ago, Julie weaned herself off of smoking by periodic sessions of juggling and chewing on cinnamon sticks. 

FF- Sounds like a good method. 

FF- It worked for her. 

FF- You smoked at one point. Yes?

FF- I was a half-assed smoker. I never really liked smoking like some people do. I didn't crave cigarettes first thing in the morning or after a greasy meal. I was a nighttime smoker. A drunken smoker. I smoked to meet strangers. 

FF- What about smoking to fend off stress?

FF- There were a few times I smoked because of stress. After breakups, and once after my step-mother punched me  in the back of the head during a road trip across Italy.  

FF- Did you punch her back? 

FF- No. I just said something along the lines of "Don't you ever touch me like that again or I'll fucking kill you", fled the vehicle, and enjoyed a smoke with a handsome stranger.