How to

How to chew a half piece of bubblegum. How to part your hair in the middle. How to wax your headlights (without smudges). How to make less noise while sleeping. How to summon aliens. How to burn trash in sand. How to get excited when you're not. How to plan a vacation without going anywhere. How to beg for forgiveness. How to read upside down. How to bake a coconut pie. How to eat yourself. How to wander alone in the middle of the night. How to understand everything. How to break your bones without falling. How to style a starched white collar. How to breathe like a pug. How to convince others to do things they don't think they can do. How to catch a bird turd on your tongue. How to dance in socks. How to plant a lime tree. How to wiggle your ankles. How to sing under water. How to give advice. How to open a restaurant that only serves kale. How to be dumb. How to be a horse wrangler. How to swim laps in the bathtub. How to dig a hole without arms. How to see faraway planets. How to watch for hawks. How to make the sound of yellow. How to destroy destruction. How to follow someone walking backwards. How to catch rain in your elbows. How to light a candle without a flame. How to hula hoop for six hours. How to plant moss. How to locate something lost. How to smack a beaver (gently). How to sip water with dry, cracked lips. How to use words to say anything at all.