An interview with my wife, FFToday Felicity is just home from a long days work at an umbrella factory. Despite waking this morning at 4:55 am to the grunts, coos, and punches of her new wee one, she is in a relatively chipper mood and the bags under her eyes aren’t nearly as severe as they have been before. On a scale of 1 to 10 on the haggard and homely scale, she’s easily just a 4.
FF- It’s been a while since I’ve been able to sit down and talk with you Felicity. What on earth have you been doing? FF- Well… just as I got into the swing of motherhood, I had to go back to work last week and be a mother, and be a wife to you and my husband, and a friend to my dear friends, and a somewhat amiable neighbor, and a pet-owner, and a yogi, and I’m working on a big performance piece as well. FF- Sounds chaotic. FF- I’ve been eating my vegetables for optimal balancing. Apples too. Baths help. And taking deep breaths that last several seconds. FF- I would be curious to take a peek at those pretty pink lungs of yours. FF- I’m hoping one day to get my hands on an endoscopic camera. So, perhaps your dream will come true. FF- That would be fantastic. And while we are on the subject of dreams. Have you had any lately? The wakeful kind? The kind of dreams that actually get you somewhere? FF- Yes. I seem to keep my brain fully occupied with wakeful dreams. The latest and greatest dream involves escaping to Indonesia for a while. FF- You would bring all of us wouldn’t you? FF- Yes, you - my wife, my husband, and Beckett are all part of this dream. FF- That’s a relief to hear. FF- Well what else would I do with you? FF- Leave me for some other bimbo. FF- Some skank named Slesvania? FF-A legless whore called Elsie. FF- I don’t have the time or energy to do that my dear. FF- What about the time you left me for the lead singer of that noisy Warholian band? FF- Oh that. That was a mistake. And it only lasted a year.