My allergist informed me that I am lacking sufficient nose hair; when my sickly nose dribbles, it won't stop. So, I have an idea; similar to locks of love (where kind people donate their shiny tresses to cancer patients) I am asking any of you out there for your extra nose hair clippings. This generous gift will keep me from drowning in my own snot. Please send all donations (100% tax deductible) to:

22541 SE Francis St.

Portland, OR

Thanks!