secrets

Someone recently told me (via letter typed on thin sheets of koa wood) that I am "outgoing, wonderful, but somone they may never get to know." I found this remark to be quite hurtful, so hurtful that I wept in the kitchen while pressing coffee grounds. Wake up. Wake up.

So today, I am thinking about what it is I keep from people. What are my secrets? What haven't I told you?

1. I am afraid of my own vulnerability.

2. I envy people who can cry on a whim in public places, funerals, and weddings.

3. I fear being alone, yet create vast spaces (which cannot be touched) when I am with someone.

4. I sometimes feel like my skin belongs to something wild like an antelope or mongoose.

5. I am a funny girl, but I often miss the laughter.

6. I am half misanthrope and half philanthrope.

7. I am burdoned by guilt for no good reason.

8. I'd rather escape than confront difficult situations.

9. Sometimes I feel like an angry old man.

10. My strongest desire is to be good.