I asked my friend to post an ad on Craigslist to help me find someone to fix my aching neck. Here is the ad:
Someone with the 'Royal Touch' needed to alleviate glandular swelling (NE/SE Portland)
A friend of mine is suffering from a type of glandular swelling known as scrofula. It was once known as the 'King's Evil', and it is believed that it can be cured by the 'royal touch'. The swelling, its in her neck. If you think you have the royal touch, your services would be greatly appreciated.
Though I am quite certain my friend's diagnostic is inaccurate, I'll keep you abreast of any potential healers.