Today is the day to shop. Did you get the intercontinental memorandum in your inbox this morning? I got around 76. Everything is on sale today. Arms, legs, eyes. Ikea is selling my spleen for $8.99. In the electronics department of Target customers can bid on the outer folds of my vagina. Victoria's secret just slashed the price of my eyebrows to $3.78. Tomorrow you may see pieces of me on others. You may walk into Powells and notice my elbow is attached to a man named Dirk. My left ankle will surely belong to a woman named Leonora who works at the Honda car dealership in Milwaukie. My lips, unpuckered and unpainted, will be slapped on the face of a Chinese American man called Egon. Get me while I'm hot. Name your price. Time is running out.