An interview with my wife Mrs. Felicity Fenton. This morning Felicity wears a worn mustard yellow sweater, an olive colored scarf, a pair of snug maternity jeans and mismatched grayish athletic socks. Her hair is in disarray, her skin is dry, and she has a healing, but noticeable fever blister on her lower left lip. She sits in her studio with one lamp on while taking notice of the clucking chickens in the neighbor's yard. FF- Weren't you supposed to have them over for dinner a while ago?
ff - The chickens?
FF - The neighbors with the chickens.
ff - Oh. Yes. I intended on having them over. I even sent them a formal invitation via post, but something happened.
FF - You got knocked up. Someone knocked you up. Someone named Mike knocked you up and you forgot.
ff - Oh yes. That's what happened. But I didn't forget, I just told them we'd have to postpone dinner for a while.
FF - And they seemed fine with that?
ff - I guess so. They were smiling when they said so.
FF - But lots of people smile when they say things. The smile is just a cover for the genuine anger/torment they are feeling inside.
ff - Yes, but their smiles were genuine. They had eye creases and unselfconscious gummage.
FF - Gummage?
ff - When you smile in a genuine manner, the gums become more prominent. Hence, gummage.
FF - I see.
ff - Do you?
FF - Yes.
ff - Well good.
FF - How are you feeling about this being the last weekend of summer?
ff - I'm okay with it. There isn't anything I can do to stop the summer from ending unless I kill myself and that's not an option or even something I'm remotely interested in thinking about right now or ever, unless of course I have a terrible terminal illness that is causing me, you, and everyone else horrendous suffering.
FF - I suppose that is a positive way of looking at it.
ff - Yes. I'm trying to stay positive in general about everything with the exception of corrupt politicians, war, environmental degradation, rape, and child slavery.
FF - Those are reasonable things not to feel so positive about.
ff - Yes, but for these particular things I have a pillow for biting.
FF - So you chew on a pillow when you find yourself upset about corrupt politicians, war, environmental degradation, rape, and child slavery?
ff - Yes, I chew.
FF - And when the pillow is destroyed by your teeth, do you find another?
ff - Yes, I find them easily at thrift stores. You'd be amazed how many different types of pillows there are out there for chewing.
FF - And what was your favorite chewing pillow like?
ff - It looked like a log. And it was made out of felt.