It's a splendid day outside. Part of this has to do with yellow sunshine and popping florals, but most of it has to do with a surprise visit from a dear old friend I (and others) like to call Dakota. He just finished his memoir about his long walk across the USA and I'm certain it will be a hit. A while ago, I handed out friendly questionnaires to old friends regarding our friendships for a project called New Vitality. In these questionnaires I asked friends to recall all the the potentially uncomfortable things we might not have normally talked about. Below are two questionnaires from the Felicity/Dakota 2006 friendship era:
Dakota on Felicity
What was your first impression of her?
Beautifully lopsided. I felt like she was this person with talent and a view askew of the world that was so unique and fresh yet trite at the same moment. My impression was that Felicity knew and was hyper aware of how people would treat and respond to her in most situations and this affect could be seen in her body language and sense of humor. Her response to people’s interest in her world could be met with a retort of a sharp-witted tongue.
When did you know that you would be friends?
As soon as we spent time doing the things that everyone else considered weird and uncomfortable.
Was there a time when you thought you might have pissed her off?
Several times but I would suspect it is mainly when I’m attempting to give some constructive critical advice on her artwork and as well as her life, but what the hell do I know.
Was there a time when she pissed you off?
When she is ignoring that inner voice.
What is it about this friendship that is nourishing?
Fenton’s drive is so sharp and her attention to detail is a part of her vision as an artist and when I first met her I thought this clouded and limited her voice, but I was wrong. Fenton nourishes me with her ability at getting to that place within and asking questions of life and herself. She literally touches and sees the world around and within her and this conflict is rich and real. It is evident by the way her fingers never simply grab something but rather they investigate the tactile world and by Felicity’s attitude and understanding that food is much more than feeding a hungry body. The back and forth between her soul and head is evident and her willingness to expose much of herself in ways most will never do is wonderful. I’m grateful for her attempts at going to a depth of the soul in which uncertainty and alchemy are side by side. I’m nourished by our candid, sincere and loving discussions of our weaknesses and strengths as artists and human beings but ultimately I’m nourished by the things we do when together and apart, but that are never said.
Felicity on Dakota
What was your first impression of him?
I first met Dakota on the back porch of Kilpatrick at Goddard College. He was huntpeck typing on a laptop and a typewriter at the same time; I asked him why he felt the need to write that way, and he said “For back up”. I immediately thought he was an oddball character who I'd like to get to know better, but he was a little aloof so I wasn’t sure.
When did you know that you would be friends?
After one drunken night duct taping each other to a desk, rolling around in wheelchairs, crawling into basements, playing haphazard tunes on the untuned pianos, and laughing, laughing, laughing.
Was there a time when you thought you might have pissed him off?
Certainly. Dakota and I have a very competitive relationship. We are both reckless thinkers who have plenty to say. Sometimes I have a difficult time taking a pause and hearing what he has to say amidst all of our palaver. I am also very cocky and self absorbed, which I am sure infuriates him to no end.
Was there a time when he pissed you off?
In the same way I piss him off, he pisses me off. We have similar ways of expressing ourselves, which at times can be very intense and melodramatic. Dakota has a difficult time finishing things. He has a myriad of spectacular ideas and rarely pulls any of his ideas into fruition. I know that he could really impact people’s lives if he just allowed himself to finish something.
What is it about this friendship that is nourishing?
As much as his lack of focus pisses me off, I also find it nourishing because I am (most of the time) too focused and too set in my ways to give my mind the flexibility it needs. Our friendship is fairly young, yet Dakota knows me better than most people. He knows when I am not being true to myself, and isn’t afraid of telling me. He knows where my home is and can lead me back with a single gesture or word. I feel like I have known him since we were fetuses of another time. As an artist/person he doesn’t separate art and life, which makes him one of the most stimulating people I know. If I am in a rut or feeling glum, I oftentimes find myself craving his presence. He makes me feel like I am transcending life, which is a highly honorable feat for a human being! Everyone should have a Dakota.