New new new collaborative happenings for you and me and we and us and them: Soul Recovery Systems is here to rid you of your inner trash (Portland)
Are there intangible things in your life holding you back, causing you ill health, constipation, depression and general blah-blah-blah? Are these things complicating relationships and clouding your present future?
There are many unexpressed emotions, ideas, memories, and general need of soul cleansing in all of us. It's a challenge as modern humans lack sufficient and expressive modes of release and cleansing from these suppressed energies/emotions. SRS has developed a practical, yet effective and creative approach to capturing and releasing destructive energies; the result being a lighter and more optimally functioning and fulfilled soul.
Sounds great! How do I get started?
We suggest you pick an object that represents either literally, metaphorically, or symbolically the cause or perceived root of your problems or malaise. We ask that you write an anonymous description, poem, confession, or whatever suits you, to best describe why you chose the object and its significance, as well as why you’d wish to free yourself of it*.
*Obliterating your soul trash is not as easy as it sounds. There is more to the process than simply handing over a burdensome object you have been clutching onto for one reason or another… but it’s a decent start. All ridding processes are blasted off by SRS, and shortly after, must be taken to the next level by using the handy dandy tools provided to you by all sorts of inexplicable universal happenings. You have had them for a long time; now it’s finally time to put them to good use.
Ok, I think I’ll take my soul for a test ride. What do I do next? Or Thanks for the advice, but I’d rather dive into a school of ravenous piranhas.
First: Scour your brain for emotional blockages (things, emotions, dreams, experiences) that are holding you back. How are theses blockages keeping you from pouring your glimmery light into the world? Think about it, really, think about it, then write it all down.
Second: Once you have your list of blockages, take a good long gander at some of the rather cluttering stuff in your domicile unit. By “stuff’, I mean anything from soiled panty liners; to a dusty can of chili con carne; to the nick knack your great aunt gave you after her two-week trip to Toledo in 1986. These objects oftentimes contain the stifling memories/experiences/etc., within their crafty packaging. Beware!
Third: Sniff the object(s) once, twice, and maybe three times, roll around in bed with them, stick them in the fridge, pick up the phone and call 503-805-5151. If you’d like, you can say hello, if you’d rather not participate in obligatory telephone etiquette just get right to the point. -State your address or another place where your soul trash can be picked up. -State the specific reasoning for desired soul trash removal. Once SRS plugs your information into the database, our finest experts will perform recovery actions within 24 hours.
FAQ Do I have to say who I am? If you like, you can state your first, last, or middle name, but SRS does not require formal and/or nick names for pickup.
How much does a pickup cost? Because money and stress seem to be one of the leading causes of soul trash buildup, SRS works on a “pay as you wish” methodology. So, if you only have copper in your piggy bank, we’ll take what we can get. We also accept delicious sandwiches and cold or warm beverages (depending on the season).
WHY? That’s a good question! SRS was conceived based on the lack of love in the world, a deep guttural unhappiness, carnage, animal abuse, and bland food. SRS’s vision is to provide a service to the betterment of all fleshy mammalian brain cells and inevitably, the plump blue earth.
What will you do with my trash? Your trash will undergo a cleansing process from start to finish. Upon pickup, your object(s) will be captured in photographic form and soon after entered into the soul trash catalogue. At a yet to be determined date and location all objects will be placed on display for public viewing. Note that these purgings are not things we would normally wish to share with others but through this "public" display we relinquish the limitations of ego and step into the realm of acceptance and release, the key premise and foundation to bringing forth a new and prosperous life, one unhindered and without self doubt.
At the end of the public display all objects and "releases" will be ceremonially disposed of, whether by fire, flood, burial, or any other appropriately suggested form of dissolve.
We choose to refer to these descriptions as "releases" as the terminology should reflect the restorative and healing powers of such acts.
How can I thank you enough? All satisfied customers are encouraged to send emails directly to the SRS administrator (firstname.lastname@example.org). We do appreciate handwritten notes, chocolate bunnies, and flowers, but we are also in the process of ridding ourselves of our own soul trash, so please refrain.
In the end our goal is to free you of your, as we like to say, "soul trash." It will heal you without a doubt!