Someone recently told me (via letter typed on thin sheets of koa wood) that I am "outgoing, wonderful, but somone they may never get to know." I found this remark to be quite hurtful, so hurtful that I wept in the kitchen while pressing coffee grounds. Wake up. Wake up.
So today, I am thinking about what it is I keep from people. What are my secrets? What haven't I told you?
1. I am afraid of my own vulnerability.
2. I envy people who can cry on a whim in public places, funerals, and weddings.
3. I fear being alone, yet create vast spaces (which cannot be touched) when I am with someone.
4. I sometimes feel like my skin belongs to something wild like an antelope or mongoose.
5. I am a funny girl, but I often miss the laughter.
6. I am half misanthrope and half philanthrope.
7. I am burdoned by guilt for no good reason.
8. I'd rather escape than confront difficult situations.
9. Sometimes I feel like an angry old man.
10. My strongest desire is to be good.