Heavy, start-of-summer trees flank the highway. I notice my furrowed brow, the lines stacked on my forehead, the way my heart speeds up when my three year old demands me to do something from her car seat. I've been smothered in obligations for weeks and weeks with not enough silence and "me time." I try not to be resentful. Not to sigh when my name is said more than 7 times. To hear my name like it's the first time it has ever been said. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.
I'm more familiar with the sound of my car on a highway than I'd like to be. Its dull drone. Its whiz. Its predictability in motion and sound from start to finish. But there are hawks perched on light posts, scanning the asphalt for mammalian remains. And there's comfort in this.
Her feet press into my seat from her seat. I'm the person she demands to reach for her water bottle, a book, a snack, a song. Outside faces of drivers, serious and sleepy, move forward. Or backward. To the place they were or will be. A ginormous flag droops, a lineup of yellow busses sit and wait, vines creep over the edge of highway walls, a prison in the distance is filled with people inside parched of oxygen, but mostly love.
She falls asleep for a half hour. A space opens up. I can disappear. No I can't. Because I should be talking to my husband. About dreams. The wind. How to say "yes" in Manderin. I touch him. He loves this. It's so easy to give him something if it's this. A simple series of lines drawn up and down his neck and face and back.
The landscape opens up as the road narrows. We weave in and out of green mountains. A furious ocean reveals itself through gaps in trees. Brine fills my nostrils. She wakes up. I'm refreshed. And simultaneously exhausted. This is motherhood.
expensive guacamole you know who you are let me know...... looking forward to hearing from you. About 3 years ago you were at the walmart on grand...we were walking out at the same time and I gave you a ride to your truck behind the store! We exchanged numbers and we texted a few times but eventually lost contact! I see you almost every morning for while now, but im working so i dont have a chance to talk to you. You are very beautiful, some days your hair is curly and some days in a pony tail others. Today you had two pens in your front shirt pocket one purple one pink. I have had a crush on you for a long time but was in a relationship at the time. Now ive been single for awhile and want to take you out. I hope you see this. You had complained about the store making y'all park was in the back! Long shot I know but if you see this..let's get together!! We were washing hands you were wearing green shirt..
what color shirt was I wearing?Just thought I would try this..... your a new maintenance guy downtown working different buildings daily. Your dang nice looking and would love to continue discussing more if your into it. Tell me what you look like and approx age or what intersection you cross all the time. We were in class together and we each got to read things we believed in or something.Then your turn came and you started reading fine the teacher was like ok and kinda made fun of how happy you always seemed but then you got to a part you really believed in.
It read something like believe in "mind, man, matter and the power of happiness" and you started bawling your eyes out. I couldn't look at you and you were aware that I could not look at you and it just made you cry even more. You ran out crying.