Piotr Roosevelt Jochmons, b. 2/13/83, second son of Liev Piebald and kitty Francine; nicknamed "Razor Balls" by high school bowling team for the raw, unpracticed filthiness of his left hand hook; shattered ankle bones and posterior pelvic frame with a late-september leap into backyard pool he himself had drained three days before; victim of love by age 12 and ocular degeneration by 13, both a result of a partial eclipse of Kate Johnson's vaginal lips, Ms. Johnson being three parts vixen and one part goat; won Rose Guilder Award in 9th grade for best mayonnaise-free horseradish sauce, spent prize money on a pair of Gore Vidal writing socks and a German gymnast body suit, the latter winning him a phlegmatic Dutch wife and a turn as Artie Langis ass double in Hollywood, where he lives with Esme, a food artist and blackmailer, and their two dogs, coco and Roq.

Anonymous